SL: i felt thankful for the time we had together. but now, all i can think of is the possible separation we are going to face when i leave hong kong. the unpleasant feeling you have is only going to escalate after i leave. furthermore, i find no good way out of the unstable state i am in. i love who i am more than i love you. i hate the the notion of changing myself for you. i hate the notion of dropping my original plan for someone like you. maybe it is because i have not love you much enough. maybe it is my arrogant being. maybe i am too idealistic. maybe i am too demanding. maybe i am just an idiot. i have no confidence in you that you are going to accept my kind of mental state in the foreseeable future. i foretell that you are going to leave me for who i really am. painful as it can be for we are so happy together, i am going to kindly ask you to leave me now if you may. i know it may not be easy but it is better than dragging on and on and have further discussion about this topic. i am still mentally too young for committing the kind of relationship or marriage that you hope to have. we do not have the same vision for marriage. i was trying to convince you this morning. i was trying to convert your vision to mine. i hated myself when i find out later that i had done that. it was not good. i hated myself. it was a dangerous act. it was a dangerous relationship we are in. it is a even more dangerous relationship to continue consider the age you are now. i can certainly tell from this morning's conversation that you are no difference from all the other girlfriends that i have dated before in terms of the vision of marriage. i was hopping that you were heaven sent and you were different. but after all, simply you are not. you are just as normal and as simple as all the others. i should have known better. i felt sorry that i have mislead myself, and in turn, have mislead you that our relationship may work fine. i am afraid. i am very afraid. i am not going to risk breaking my self-esteem to be with you any longer and to be eventually dumped by you. women are cool-blooded relationship killer when they could see no joyful future. i would have thought that you are no ordinary girl, but i was wrong. i was very wrong. i am going to remind myself everyday ever after that every women are as ordinary as they can be and they all want the same kind of ordinary men as their husbands or as their life companions. i am no extraordinary man but i am certainly not one of those ordinary men who practice ordinary life. and i have no plan to become one any time soon. therefore, i will not have any further date or relationship until i am sure i may become one of those ordinary men. sorry that i have started our relationship in the first place. sorry for everything. sorry. i treasure you. i treasure you as hard as i can. i hate to break your heart. i hope you may read carefully of what i have written and consider this a peaceful separation that may eventually benefit us both. i hate to break my own heart, too. therefore, rather than letting you breaking my heart one day suddenly later, i would rather break my own heart when i am fully prepared. i mean now. my heart is broken and is shattered. i will find my own way to glue it back. --eric