Amazing! I have been going out with Shirley for just one month (30 days)! It's an amazing feeling! I don't know how to describe it but it's truly amazing! I had dinner with her tonight. One glitch tonight. A very serious glitch by the way was that I said, "I love Ca...." in front of her face when I had meant to say was "I love Shirley". She told me bluntly that she knew what I wanted to said was "I love Carol". Damn... I told her that Carol had become an adjective. carol shall be an adjective for "seriously/madly/crazily in love" kind of meaning. The person, Carol, holds no value to me no more. She's gone. She's only a happy memory in my mind that lingers on. I wrote an email to Shirley tonight.


To Shirley,

(cc: God)

I love you. I love you. I don't know why I love you so much! I am crazy!

Help me God, My dear God! Help me and prevent me from going crazy! I am just loving Shirley! I don't want to become crazy for I have to love her for the rest of my life. If I ever become crazy, how can I protect and take care of her for the rest of my life?!?!?! Therefore, my dear God, please, if you are granting me to Shirley, please prevent me from going crazy for loving Shirley!!! AHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't breath arHHHHhhhhhhhhhH!

I love you ar! (I meant Shirley, of course!)

I love you, too, of course, My dear God, but I have to love Shirley first before I can love You, you know, since this seems to be how you want this to be, right, uh? My God, my God, how wonderful You are giving me this lovely Shirley, wonderful Shirley, and lovable Shirley! She's as adorable as You, my dear God! Pardon me, my Dear God, for I had made such inappropriate comparison! This is just one way of loving Shirley. The admirable way to love Shirley is one of the best. And there are many other BEST way to love Shirley, too! Tenderly Love, Passionately Love (Yeah Baby, Yeah.....!!!), "Beat Karen" Kind of Love (I like it, Wooooo!), Attentively Love, Patiently Love... (cannot be patient anymore... for I am on Fire with Shirley!!!), Crazily In Love.... Crazily in Love is the exact state I am in now for even Shirley's not around me, I am thinking only one person and that person is no other but Shirley, my beloved Girlfriend, Soulmate, Idol, Lover, Sister, Goddess (sorry... I know I shall have no other god before you, my Lord, but may Shirley be an exception, uh?!?!?!?... well.... well.... just don't send me to Hell, okay??!?!, since I am "ON FIRE" enough that I am afraid that Your HELL FIRE won't make me any much more pain no more!!! Hah Hah....hahahah...) I love Shirley, too, 3, 4 , 5, 6, 7, till the End Chapter of Day!!! And it's going to be 10-Thousand years for I love Shirley sooooooooo much that I never ever will never going to "Un" Love her! Pray to you, my Lord, to prevent me from "Un" Loving Shirley, for I shall be incapable to Love others if I don't Love Shirley. This is probably a serious threat to you, my Lord, I know since you are a Loving God and if your citizen (Me) are incapable to Love, then you must be angry and you must be mad! I know that you don't want Yourself to become as crazy as me, do You? So I wish You and I pray to You that please please please please please please please (x10000 times) that I will be forever in Love with the Only woman in my Love forever, and this woman shall be no other woman but Shirley, my girl, okay? (Be aware that this is certainly not a question but a serious prayer. ) You know you kinda promise in Your Bible that You DO answer ALL prayers, didn't You, UH? So you better Keep Your promise and make me, help me, propel me, drive me, (whatever me), to Love Shirley, my dear loving lady, to the rest of my life and till the end of day!!!

Derek was another fellowship member that has been pursuing SL. At today's prayer meeting, we finally meet. I thought it was going to be embarrassing. Why? Well, well, well�K it's probably my fault. I have had dinner with Derek once when I was still only friend with SL. Derek told me about his crush for her. I comforted him and shared with him my "still wanna be single for a few more years" idea of mine... darn... It was so embarrassing for me to slap my own face so fast!

It's just the perfect moment that SHOUTcast's M O S T L Y - C L A S S I C A L Channel played the Beethoven's Mondschein Sonate (Moonlight Sonata) when I am emotionally devastated at the least expected moment. I met SL today for dinner. I started to talk about marriage. Yeah... I talked about it again. Why I always talked about it? God knows why! I don't have a clue why I want to get married this early. The reason I was devastated is because SL has not yet built up the courage to marry to me. I thought it would be easier than that. I expected wrong. Yeah... I was having expectation. I didn't even realize when I was talking about the marriage thing until she reacted with less than positive response. I hate myself talking about this. The feeling of making a wrong move pissed me off. The feeling of out of control made me mad. The feeling of expecting the unexpected frightened me. The "down" emotion lingers. I am glad that when I was finally home, the Internet radio is airing the Moonlight Sonata, my favourite "down" time music. It meditates my feeling. It transcends my emotion. I am feeling a bit better now. SL suggested that we pray together. I refused. I was not ready to face God. I was too ashamed to face God. I need some time along to face my problem first before I can face God.
The silver curtains are installed today. The sound equipment is perfect. SL came to my home today after work before we went out for dinner. I played her some of my favourite music pieces. I told her that my mother liked George Michael. I played her the Last Christmas. Yeah... I shall listen to this piece of music again now...

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

This sounds right. I was too eager to give my heart to someone. Maybe just anyone. I thought the someone was carol, I thought the someone was #3, and now I thought the someone was SL. There were too much "Last Christmas" for me to deal with as cheerfully as in the lyric of the song may manage. I am not sure how I may face SL tomorrow. I don't know how I may face God. I was thinking I shall call Maggie or Andrew or Brian to talk it over. I was just thinking anyway. The feeling of weakness exposure made me even weaker. I dare not to speak to anyone at this moment, even to God. I've been out of this self-conscious "thing" for don't even remember how long! And it's coming back to haunt me! There's a word for my feeling - scary.

Something's quite amazing happen these days. My heart turned soft. My spirit is high. I am starting to feel like loving someone. And probably to be loved back. Luckily that I have SL to be with me. She's around. She's with me. She's available. She's my girlfriend now. People say that marriage is a random act. One gets married just because when he or her is ready to get married, and just so happen that the one around he or her is ready, too. So that they get married! I am starting to feel like this is going to happen to SL and me. I liked talking to her. I like to hear what she has to say about things. I like the conversation I had with her. Some say when people grow older, they'd appreciate casual chat more since that's probably the only available entertainment when physical fitness is unable to catch up. Chat, the mouth and brain exercise, is probably the best, the cheapest, and the most readily available entertainment around by then.

I have been lucky in a sense that whatever thing I want will come true if I'd dreamt for it long enough. I wanted to become a better boyfriend after some unsuccessful relationships. Some qualities, which I wasn't being able to attain, such as sensitivity, become attainable. SL's friend, Kitty, told SL once that she found me a sensitive person. One other quality is that to offer a sense of security to my girlfriend. SL commented that she felt secure with me. I was happy to hear such compliment. I felt I may finally become someone that I've wanted to become! I have never expected girl like SL would become my girlfriend. She reminded me of Nelson's girlfriend, Meiyee. Yes, now SL becomes my girlfriend. On Sunday night, we saw Spider-Man (Yahoo! / RottenTomatoes). It was a great movie. We dined at Dan Ryan's Chicago Grill at Pacific Place, Admiralty. The dinner's great. And what's the most great above all is that it was another romantic and joyful evening! My heart surely beat faster whenever SL's eye moved, blinked, frowned, or even just wondered around for no reason at all! Momentarily, I would find her exceptionally attractive in a way that I would never have expected. We talked about marriage. I was not afraid to marry her. I found her perfect. I talked about the love I had for her. I talked about how I enjoyed the way that I loved her. Nothing seems wrong except that I found myself felt deeply in love with her during that Sunday night. That beautiful Sunday night. A magical night. Nothing's impossible that night. Future is now. And future is right in front of me. In fact, the "future" seemed to be sitting just right across the dinning table sweetly smiling to me! I knew things happened with reasons. I used to think that I figured all out and I had analyzed all. I knew nothing about love until that Sunday night when I gave up analyzing, gave up thinking about the unknown future, gave up the unconscious relationship rating scheme, and gave all to God. Dropped my pride and hopefully God may listen.

Just now, I am on the phone with SL, she has just said the first "I like you very much!" to me.

Met SL's secondary school (Belilios Public School 庇理羅士女子中學) friends yesterday night for drink.

Relationship of SL and I have been going quickly. I would think that it's largely because of the subtle arrangement from God. When the timing's right, everything's going so well that I can hardly believe it's happening for real. I believe we had the first "wet kiss" today. She's a righteous Christian that she refused to have further physical relationship (fornication) until marriage. From what I learnt, if the girl's still a virgin, let her be. Try not to play smart by initiating premarital sex for I am sure I will regret it later. Girls never get over the hatred of the guys who give them the 1st premarital sex.
Incidentally, I found quite a few similarities between carol and SL. They are both emotional persons. They get sentimental easily. They both use BIOTHERM and Neutrogena. Anyway, it's romantically incorrect for me to compare for this might not be fair and probably were unpleasant for SL to hear all these "things about carol". But fortunately, she was a good listener and was indifference with what I said (at least from how she reacted).
She was attending Jazz dancing classes. Her classmates invited her to go to one talent competition show. We went to watch it today. It was fun. It reminded me of all the happy, sad, struggling (if I shall pursue more of the artistic careers instead of doing what I am doing) memory of the past, such as actively participating extracurricular activities when I was still in the university. I told her about most of what I could remember and what I really thought. She was listening. I found her attractive in a way that I never did found in other girls.
We bummed into many friends today, including MKF's friends - Pal and his gf, Daniel's friend - Jennifer, and Philippi's member - Mike. And the last but not least, we bummed into Hin Shen and Jenny Chan of Philippi on the ferry trip back to Central from Tsim Sha Tsui. They are dating, too! We were actually the first to find out! We approached them. They were shocked that we were there! We chatted and found out that we, both, just started our relationships. They are anxious, too! We made plan to have buffet together, sort of a double dates kind of things.