A year ago, carol still called me "honey" accidentally during the period of our break-up. Now, #3 kissed me accidentally when I was sweet-talking her not to leave me. She said "sorry" after doing that kissing...

#3 separated with me. I've just been to Shanghai. She confirmed with me the request for the break-up was for real a week ago she had said to me on the phone. I'm single again. What a feeling... damn... I love her... but I love my life more so I cannot just stay in Shanghai and pursue her and make her to be with me.
Conclusive conclusion: girls need no bf, they need companionship.

Almost a year since carol and I got separated...

You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin

You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'
You never close your eyes
Anymore
When I kiss your lips
And there's no tenderness
Anymore
In your fingertips
You're tryin' hard not to show it
(Baby)
But baby baby I know it.

You've lost that lovin' feelin'
Woa that lovin' feelin'
You've lost that lovin' feelin'
Now it's gone gone gone
Woa

Now there's no welcome look
In your eyes
When I reach for you.
And girl you're starting to
Criticize
little things I do.
It makes just feel like cryin' (baby)
But baby something
beautiful is dying.

You've lost that lovin feelin'
Woa that lovin feelin'
You've lost that lovin' feelin
Now it's gone gone gone
Woa

Baby baby I'd get down on my knees
For you.
(If you would only love me
like you used to do.)
We had a love a love a love
A love you don't find everyday.
And now it's gone it's gone
it's gone
You've gone and tossed it away.

I'm begging you please please
Please come back to me again.
If you would only love me love me
Love me like you used to do.

Bring back that lovin' feelin'
Woa
That lovin' feelin
Bring back that lovin' feelin
It's gone gone gone
And I can't go on
Woa

Bring back that lovin' feelin'
Woa
That lovin' feelin
Bring back that lovn' feelin
Now it's gone gone gone

Written by Mann and Weil

Had phone conversation with #3. She wanted to end our relationship. She didn't think we'd be able to continue as I'm so busy and far away from her.

I met someone named Sabrina recently. She's really cute. I went clubbing the other day with Yee. Such a long-time-no-see Yee... Still charming in her own way!

It's a clear indication that I've been really busy recently since I haven't been blogging for quite a while now.

Long time no posting. Got to post something real quick...

Missing the "OLD" you...

Long time don't see your posting. Thought you're not going to post anymore. :p
Nice to have you back posting something. I can understand what you told me because I felt that way, too.
Relationship is very weird thing. It's gone, it's gone. It can only be missed. I tried to flash back some of the happiest moment we were together that day after I called you. I felt great remembering the time we spent together. :)
I have only limited "bandwidth" to talk to anyone. My attention span to any conversation besides business/women is extremely limited.

From http://www.gorillasia.com/capital/funding-execution15nov00qed.htm

The survey broke down the HK SME market into three categories:

1. SMEs with no e-business plans or adoption of even email -- 54% of the 200,000+ SMEs in HK fall into this category.
2. SMEs with at least a web-presence together with email -- 15 % fall into this category.
3. SMEs with web-sites that are e-commerce enabled/integrated with internal/external backend systems -- only 3.8 % ( or about 10,000 SMEs) fall into this category, with a 0.1% increase in this figure from one year earlier.

Now compare this to the US (the US story)...

1. Total Market Size -- Forrester estimates that the US market for web hosting will be US$2.5 billion in 2000, forecasted to grow to US$19.8 billion by 2004.
2. E-Business Adoption, surprisingly similar to HK SME market -- In terms of e-business adoption among SME, Forrester estimates that 15% of SME (defined as businesses with under 500 employees) will have a web presence by the end of 2000, of which 3% will be e-commerce enabled. These numbers are very similar to those in Hong Kong, although we believe Hong Kong is probably at the high end of the range in Asia.
3. However, large corporate are aggressive users -- For the middle market (companies with 500-5,000 employees) and large businesses (over 5,000 employees), 75% and 96%, respectively, are forecasted to have a web presence by end of 2000, of which about a third will be e-commerce enabled in both cases. Obviously, a key driver to the data centre business is large corporate adoption, which will be a key focus point of a report that the CSFB Asian Internet team is currently working on in this area...

So what does this data tell us that we didn't know before, other than the hype around dotcoms was extremely premature?

One of my favourite female pop star: Korea's Kim Hee Sun. I liked her role in the TV episode called "Sudden Lover" very much. She's the type of girl who reminded me of the old carol. To be more precise, the very old carol. The carol whom I first met. Right. Kim Hee Sun reminded me of the carol whom I first met.

Independent, young, charming, but uptight in a way that you're afraid to talk to her. After a while, once you realize the way she react to things, you started to like her. You started to feel that you're the only one on earth who understand her and know how to comfort her. You really want to get closer to her. However, her mix of friendly and rigid manner make you feel as if she's holding back something. You're very much intrigued to know what she's trying to hold back. You want to see her more often. You would like to listen to what she has to say. You'd like to be around her as often as possible. You're totally immersed into her.

Ohm...
Am I exaggerating?

:p

I lost my cell phone, lost my home key during the trip to Guangzhou. Damn... About to take over a hardware distributor in Guangzhou, Tony and I are going to Guangzhou this weekend to negotiate the terms. Lost my cell phone meaning lost #3's phone #. Hasn't call her for 3 days already. Don't know how she's been doing. In Guangzhou, I was living in Cousin Elise's home. She's now basically helping my company on a part time basis.
I had lunch with Aaron. Hopefully, he'll be on board, meaning that what I had wished for will come true.

"Enhancing the Lives of Those We Touch by Helping People Reach Their Goals�" is a mission statement used by a successful MLM company in the US. I feel strongly about this statement.

Up and down. Business development takes time. I've been working on my business for almost 3 years now. Everything seems like happened yesterday. I made the wish list before I went to GZ. In GZ, cousin Elise helped me a great deal. She's now back with her first lover after 12 years of separation. Cousin Li is going to marry a doctor. They met 3 months ago. They are planning to get married on January. I want to get married, too! But I don't know why, seriously! :p

Things to do:
- buy carol a mini disc Walkman
- get married with #3
- dad/mom/brother can get anything they want
- loan money to all my little cousins for them to go to good schools
- take all my beloved relatives to a grand holiday trip
- recruit Aaron as my business partner
- recruit cousin Peng as my business partner
- make mkf/ty/lwk the hottest artists in Asia, and to be known worldwide
- make all my business partners happy and rich
- make all my companies go public on Nasdaq
- maintain the sole distributorship status
- learn French/German
- learn to speak Shanghaiese
- make a film
- give carol CAN$100,000.00 while she's still in school
- have 5 children with #3
- give grandmother HK$1,000 every time I see her
- visit mother's mother as often as I can
- buy Victoria a gift
- buy Mei Yee a gift
- buy Winna a gift
- buy Yee a car
- founding members in my company shall all be well compensated
- go for a boat cruise with #3
- make Phoebe my default family dentist
- make carol my family doctor
- buy Victor an recording studio
- watch Alpha's concert
- publish a book for carol
- fund little mic to make an extravaganza feature movie

When someone treats you well, you really don't want to let them down. I really want to appreciate the kind of love and relationship I have now. The kind of life I've been searching for is right now right in front of my eyes. I'm satisfied. Called carol this morning. I was always happy to hear her voice. Among the many closed female friends I had and still in touch, carol might be one of the very few that I always feel comfortable to talk to without worrying too much. I was walking back to my office while talking to her on the phone. It was raining. I was eating. The 375ml Lemon Tea, the bag of chips, the 7-11 umbrella, my Nokia 8210 and my Banana Republic bag burdened me big time. Plus, I was walking the 35º+ slope downhill! Too hard to have a normal friendly chat. I was concern about carol's health though. I briefly asked her about her recent health status. I've specifically had an verbal MOU with her that I should not disclose her health status to others. Don't know if this is still valid.
carol: beautiful girl like you should be healthy inside out!
Had calls with #3. She's leaving my company for school. Hope everything works out for her. Seriously, I've gradually lost my passion to marry her. Marriage = Passion. Why get married? No point unless you're under some kind of parental stress or you want to have children. Why get married unless you're truly personated about a person? I proposed to carol. I've proposed to #3.
I've told carol that my proposal for her was going to last forever. So it's up to her to choose.
#3... I've told her that I've lost my passion to marry her. I still love her. Getting to love her more day after day. However, I really don't think that marriage is a good idea for men in general. I want to marry once only. I want a stable and long lasting relationship. The kind of relationship with carol was good. Just that I was too INTO her. I lost the control of my life. I lost control of myself. I lost my sense of being. She was that powerful?! :p
I don't think I'd ever enjoy the kind of feeling again. Right. It's just that it's a kind of First Love feeling! Not that I don't know how to love, it's just that I'd never want to have that kind of love relationship. I was childish when I was with carol. I was a beginner for god sake. I didn't knew too much about people in general, not to mention girls! That might also be the reason why I got close to carol in the first place. She put off her guard in front of me. She felt safe with me when we were together years ago.
Getting drowsy... see ya...

Add a water to the corner of my site which linked to my company's website. If you want to know how to do this, check out "Add A Watermark" at CNET's Builder.com.

Been slept over in my office last night. Met a couple of clients and partners today. I lost a name card... damn... Chris arrived today. Don't know what's gonna happen next. He and Alfonso are pushing their stuff very hard, esp. Alfonso. He's trying very hard to justify his share of the new company.

Hi Hi. I'm very sleepy. Feeling very tired. Meeting after meeting. Nelson went to movie with gf. They are seeing "The Exorcist Director's Cut". I'm hungry and thirsty. My company are expanding at Internet speed. I cannot tell you how exciting I am at this moment. Luck be with me! Yeah!

The best part of working on my own company is the FREEDOM. However, if one wants to make money, one'd have to sacrifice some personal subjective point of view in order to cater client/customer's interest.

This is the pic Michael took for me at the Shanghai's Intel event. I was presenting XML stuffs. #3 and Lunar was busy outside getting name cards and distributing flyers.

I called mother. I asked her to arrange some money for me to pay my staff this month. Cash flow problem... sign... :p

Gordon got into car accident a couple of weeks ago. Mother told me. I kinda ignored her. She was mad. I had no mood to dealt with her at that point. She was looking for my comfort. However, I was in no mood of comforting anyone. Maybe I was incapable of comforting weak person. I felt I'm becoming more like Carol. Although this is absolutely no fair by saying that I'm becoming like Carol while I have really no real understand of how Carol thinks. But anyway, Carol gave me a image of strong and focus. In doing so, even sometimes by ignoring the facts, or other people's feeling, we'd be able to achieve our goals.

I really felt that way. This is the rule of focusing and be successful. This is wrong if it means hurting someone during the process of focusing. But wrong in a way that can make me feel better about myself especially when I'm working on stuffs. Focusing with no interruption. The bigger the disaster, the more I concentrate on the work.

Many thoughts. Too many thoughts. I haven't been able to sort them out clearly lately.

Got Ping's mail. She's in Shanghai. She saw the show. She asked how was I with the girl (#4). I reply her saying that I was dating #3 now!!!

Ha Ha. Blank mind. Blank Blank Blank.
Had minor fever. Finished a few hours of Tamino training this morning. Ching finished the rest.

Back from Beijing and Shanghai la!!!
Was able to spend time with #3 for only an afternoon. Too busy doing all the things. Got messages from Elise, Monica, father, and Gordon. Called Elise back. She's quitting her current job. I asked her to help me out to hunt for a reseller. Gordon got into car accident. My car was totalled.

Was giving speech with Software AG's Yannis at the Intel events held in Shanghai and in Beijing. Now back to HK. Have to attend a training session tomorrow, too.

Thanks, #3 for being so concern about my work in general. I got Carol's pictures today. I stared at those pictures for quite a long while, reflecting. Ohm�
Thank you Carol for finally sending me the pictures. You looked great!

Some good news came up today. We are getting Alan's company's exclusive distributorship agreement in PRC. Plus, Tony's going to talk to Lucent on Monday about the opportunity of Lucent invest in the CTR project.

Just Great!!!

I specifically told #3 not to read this webpage. She did. And she said she didn't want to be the substitute of carol.

Damn...

I told her I'm not treating her as carol's substitute. I told her. She believed. She's happy again.

Simple. :p

I met the patent-holder of 3rd generation and 4th generation cellular communication the other day on his boat. Alfonso, Crist, and Mrs. Yip was invited to go to Nam Ar Island to enjoy some seafood.

I do not like #3's English name. It's called Willing. It's a name I have real trouble pronouncing without associating it with some weird thought which I have no idea what the weird thought is. :p

Tamino. XML. Amonic. AuditRex. IT Expo 2000. Philip. William. Software AG. Girlfriend. PacificNET. Nikon. Nokia. Wadson. Dell. Plesk. Server. Server. Silver. Panasonic. Limium. Chromatis.

I forgot to call #3 today. Went to Alfonso's home. Had drink with Tony. Big month this month. Big month.

Respect for people is very important. You do have to remember this ERic.

Got into a fight with #3 through the phone cuz' she said that it might be healthy to get into a fight.
Women're so weird.
They are just so weird...

The truth is no where...

Yee came yesterday during my lunch session at the IT Expo 2000. She brought me lunch. Sweet of her! She got new boyfriend. She's being very nice to me. I don't know why. She might think that I might be a good friend to be with.

In fact, I'm not.

;p

I bought a Casio watch. I haven't been wearing a watch for a lot time. It's a Casio A200 watch. It's $HK250.

An ICQ friend of mine just commented after seeing ericarol.com that my love life is very "complicated".

:p

This is me!

Little Mic drop by my office. He showed me his new film.

Missing #3. I really love her.

Bought a watch. Casio A200.

I need to work a lot harder. Many things to do.

Working on my 2nd round funding now. I need a good story to tell investor about my future plan. I really need it. I really need it.
Come on. Give me some great idea.

I NEED INSPIRATION!!!

back to HK now...
Was seriously sick before coming back to HK.
Getting back to work now... Talk later...

hihi.

#3�

Can we be together forever?
Was invited to #6 male guest�s birthday dinner gathering. Met #1 female guest there. Wasn�t expecting her to be there. She liked me.

Damn�

I proposed to #3 for �I don�t remember how many times?!� I�m basically forcing her to marry me. ;p

Going back to HK on 19th September, 2000. Eric: remember to reserve your tix�

Spend my last 2 evenings with #3. We are both very happy spending time with each other. I cannot imagine I can be so happy every minute by spending time with #3. I thought the happiness couldn't have been lasted for so many days but it did!

Carol did warned me during the period of our breaking up. She said that most girls liked soft men. She said that I was not soft enough. Well, I guessed JC must be a much softer man than me.

But now, #3 said that I was the softest man she had ever met. I have really mixed feeling about this. Why I just couldn't be soft to carol while I can be soft to #3? I felt quite ironic every time #3 commented my being soft.

"Really?!" is the response every time after hearing #3's comment.

I didn't want to ruin my "soft" image by telling her how carol viewed me. Anyway, I do feel I'm offering more of my love to #3 than I offered to carol. Is it the right word to use? I'm not really sure. Although I'm really involved with #3, I'm not afraid of losing #3 while on the other hand, I had always afraid of losing carol.

Carol was like my limb. #3 is like my Sunday's best...

Is it because I'm so experienced in dumping by girls so that I don't afraid of it anymore?

Right. It might very well be the reason.

Ha.

Lunched with #3. She told me that #5 called her updating what had happened to each girls. #5 seems to be the social animal among the six female guests.

Basically, none of the male guest except me had contacted any of those female guests. #5 told #3 that #2 male guest (me) had been asking #4 out for number of times.

Wah!!! I did not bor. HA!
Well, never mind what they say. I'm always glad to be the center of spot light! Ha.

I bought a ring. I gave it to #3. The second ring in my life I bought for a girl. (Note: the first one I bought gave to carol.) She returned the ring back to me after wearing it for 23 minutes. #3 said that she need to think more. ;p

What the heck? Big deal.

#3 is starting to act like what Yee acted like just before Yee broke up with me. The way they act is like asking quite a lot of questions about the future.

"Do you have any plan for our future?",
"Do you really love me?",
"Can you really forget Carol?",
"Will you get back with Carol again?",
"Why are you giving me this ring now?",
"Do you love me and why?",
"What are we going to do next week?",
"You like your first child be boy or girl?",
"Do you love me... I know I know... can you tell me why again?"
.......

Damn...

#4 tried to reach me for quite a number of times. I dodged.
For the past couple of days, I was busy dating #3. I had slept with her for 3 times. I went boating with #3 today. I thought we both fell in love. We had unsuccessful sex though. My fault. I'm really in bad shape recently. Don't know why. Not enough exercise? Not enough nutrition?
Ohm...
I am feeling really empty this moment. Made #3 cried. She cried because what I said. Gosh... I regretted what I said. Did I want to drive her away from me?
Why cried? Maybe she really loves me. I escorted her back home. I left. She said she preferred to be alone tomorrow although we had made plan for tomorrow.
I really wondered if I really loved her.
The real question is:"What is love?" Carol left me. Yee left me. #3 is about to leave me. Did I drive them away.
Come on. Look at the bright side, ERic. You're going to be single again la!!! You are going to meet another fantastic girl. Maybe this is what you really want ERic. Get their love and then drive them away. Enjoyed the chasing process and then skillfully drove them away from you...
ERic, you are scum. You are fucking SCUM.
Ha. Whenever I'm in bad mood. I turned to Ericarol.com.
Ha.
I'd really like to treat Ericarol.com better. Like writing something happy but not always sad stuffs.

Ops...

I forgot to continue to describe what happened at the TV filming session. Forgive me. I would like to describe the TV filming session some other time. Anyway, it was fun. I've never experienced such popularity. I just couldn't believe it.

Ha.

#3 was with me for the last couple of days. She's becoming my gf. It's as simple as that. At this very moment, I thought I've been dreaming since the TV filming. Everything seems so unreal. I really hope this is real. I do not want my relationship with #3 is a story retold of Yee.

(Months ago, Yee was with me for only 3 weeks. Yee rescued me from the lost of Carol. Yee helped me picked up myself again. After using her, we separated.)

#3 is different. I really hope.

The TV filming on Friday night went well. I chose #4 as my dream girl at the time of the filming cuz' she gave me the "LOOK" throughout the filming session.

I'm going to continue the story later on cuz' #3 is at my home right now...

.......

Wonder Friday night. I was the hottest guy among six male guest. 3 out of the six girls choosed me as their dream boyfriends. Gosh... I was really overwhelmed at that very very moment.

Ha Ha.

Annie said she's going to come to the TV filming tomorrow with another friend.

The best available server scripting tool now is PHP4.

So busy...

Just got an email from a netfriend (Maggie is a name I made up, cuz' I don't feel like publishing her real name) who saw my posting at some friend's connection site:

Maggie wrote:

****************************************
hi,ERic

I sent an email to you yesterday, but I didn't say more about me without enough time.
I'm wondering whether you know Maggie is blue blue cat. I'm so happy to know you,for I feel we're alike in many aspects.
I'm not a shanghaiese.My hometown is WuXi(Do you know WuXi,it's a beautiful and exquisite city).About two monthes ago,I graduated from WuXi University of Light Industry,and came to shanghai.I like shanghai.It's a modern and open big city with more chances.Moreover there are full of pressure and chanlleges,eapecially for those who come from the other city.But,all of this I like.Life will be variegated and colorful in continous chanllege.
I'm an enthusiastic and easy-going girl,and favorite in many things,eapecially sports and music.Exercises make me full of vigor while music let me relaxed.It's an excellent thing to go swimming,climbing and having a picnic with friends.I also like reading.In my opinion,it's not enough for a female to have only a good-looking.While reading brings her thought and make her avoid superficial.(What's your opinion?)
I admire you that you've already had your own business in such a young age.I like your initiative.If there is a chance,I'd like to learn from you.

Looking forward to receive your email.

Maggie
****************************************

I replied:

****************************************
Dear Maggie,

I really appreciate your email. Let me answer your question straight forwardly. I'm a very superficial man.

Period.

I could appreciate good-looking appearance more than I could appreciate what's "INSIDE" a person. I know this is not generally considered to be right - politically incorrect. However, as you're being so sincere, I cannot help myself but being honest to you:

I AM A SUPERFICIAL MAN!

My achievement is nothing. My achievement/appearance is used to seduce superficial women who appreciate men's achievement/career/salary/appearance rather than their genuine souls.

I like superficial women since only they know what makes me ( a superficial man ) happy.

See?

Hope you understand what a superficial man I am.

I don't know if you'd still like to be friends with me after telling you what I'm really like. Hope I can still hear from you again. Maybe I'm interested in knowing how you'd react to this reply. :p

Warmest Regard,

--
ERic
****************************************

Yesterday night was a crazy night. I took a taxi to a far away place to meet a netfriend. I stayed over night at her school's guest house. Woo!!!

Ha!

We are going to use PHP4 to develop our product with Zend engine. Hope we can get the final version roll out soon...

Lucky me!!!

I'm going to attend the TV recording session the coming Fri.. The Creator asked me to write things like myself, my ideal lover, and some questions for reference and fax them to him before Monday. So... while I was wondering how should I write it, Jenny called and I invited her to bought dinner and brought the food to my home (Big Mic's home). Poor Jenny, she wanted to see me so badly. She ate at home already, so she watched me eat.

After dinner... nothing to do... so... naturally... she helped me drafted and wrote the script for the coming Fri. So now my assignment for the TV show is done.

Ha!

Wasn't able to publish for 10 hours...could not get up to blogger.com... don't know if it's the problem of the connection or it's because of blogger.com's server down...

Well, any way... here we go the message here that is supposed to be up yesterday:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I feel happy every time I see Carol's message. Knowing Carol's alive makes me happy. What did I say? Ha Ha.

Well. After seeing quite a number of netfriends. I am not interested to talk everyone of them here again. I am getting used to meet netfriends. Just like meeting clients. Getting used to it. No excitement. Just plain, flat, and time-killing gathering. But I like doing it as my routine anyway!
Met one today. Her name is Annie. She is like the old Carol in many ways. We talked a lot about our vision for our future. She talked about her boyfriend. The way his boyfriend treating her is a lot like the way I was treating Carol in the old days. The way was like:

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Carol: ERic, you know I would like to do this, this, that, and that... I don't know what I should really do.
ERic: No matter what you do, I'd support you. Do whatever you like the most.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ha Ha.

Annie's boyfriend is saying these kinds of BS to her just like the old me. These words comfort her and made Annie feel goooooood! I told her that her boyfriend was really smart in knowing what she really need to hear. She reminded me of the old Carol. I really like chatting with Annie. ;)

I have 2 female friends who both been worked as professional models. They got the look. One is living in my home town, and one in Shanghai. They both like me and intend to develop romantic relationship with me. I like them, too, but not romantically. Too bad! Unlucky Me...

I think I attract girls who has worked as models. Maybe the feminine look of my appearance... haha... I don't know...

Elva's so hot now. She is getting hotter and hotter everyday... I'm seeing a lot of her MTVs on Channel V. Her big time Taiwan concert is going to be held on 28/8... Carol: remember this date??? lol... well, this is the day u and me and daniel had our Fashion Show Dance Party held couple of years back, right? Elva was one of our catwalk models! Surprise! Surprise! The very first time I'm sensitive to date! I surprise myself!!! Seeing her being successful making me happy. Really. A person realizing one's dream... the feeling of getting closer and closer to one's dream... Ha Ha... Hope I'm getting closer and closer to my IPO dream... a successful IPO of course...

What the fuck was I doing...
An ICQ message log happened a while ago...
I was emotionally charged... hasn't happened for while...
As I saw Carol online:

ERic 8/24/00 1:24 PM I'm going to be on a TV show in Shanghai as a guest next Friday. I'm feeling so lucky appearing on TV everywhere I goes!!! hahaha

ERic 8/24/00 1:28 PM I've updated the look of ericarol.com bor. feel free to take a look bor.

ERic 8/24/00 1:44 PM damn. You're like this every time. Late reply or no reply. phone or icq. I don't like this. I don't like you. You always make me unhappy. fuck. you're worse than friend now.

ERic 8/24/00 1:47 PM I'm like the old me. nothing had changed. I hate you from the start. Carol, you made me sick. You always made me sick.

ERic 8/24/00 1:50 PM I really want to talk to you ga. really. I could not forget. My love became hate. Hate... what's hate?

ERic 8/24/00 1:51 PM enough bull shit ... better getting back to work now... you might not even reading what I'm saying now... ha... stupid jurk myself....

carol 8/24/00 1:53 PM sorry, i should've switched my status to "occupied"

Not-so-good mood today. Had an unpleasant evening with Jane yesterday. I'm not going to see her again. In fact, I don't really like her anymore. She's too demanding.
Business as usual; however, kinda feeling some pressure today. Cash flow pressure. Sign...
Don't give up. Be COOL!!! ERic, be Cool!!!

leave la...
bibi
.6_^.

Spend the evening with Lin yesterday. Watched Gladiator for the 2nd time. I did not talked about me watching the English version already in Hong Kong. I just wanted to spend time with her.
Carol was used to watch the movie for the 2nd time with me.
Carol...
Lin and I discovered that we share quite a number of things in common. Her thought changed fast. One thought jumping to another in no time and warning. Carol did not like me when I was acting as such. Lin... Carol... well, they share something in common, too...
Well, I better stop comparing...
Ha.
Could hardly help myself but compare... damn...
In the relationship arena, Carol has been the only one who could conquer me in the long run. Lin might very well be the 2nd one. I'm afraid. I dare not to call Lin at this moment now, cuz' I'm a bit afraid of losing my sense of control again.

Miss no one right now.

carol: Glad to have you started the blog.
well, just a reminder that you have to edit your personal profile in order to have your nickname shown so our beloved audience out there know who wrote the blog message.

I'm very very vulnerable in front of an attractive girl. Lin made me lost my sense of control. Her eyes knew how to speak. She smiled, she laughed. Wooo! I'm totally conquered by her on Sunday night. She brought me back to her home. I thanked her for trusting me even it's the first time we met. We took pics, we played puzzle together, we listened to songs...
She agreed to meet me again tonight. Yes!

On Sunday, I met Lin. Lin is the by far most attractive girl. She reminds me of a high school sweetheart I know back in McNair Senior High in Vancouver named Jessica. I knew Lin from a net friend called Mint.
Mint is a cheerful lady. I met her for business purpose last night.
I called Lin last night, and I called Lin this morning. I thought of her a lot. I'd really like to meet her again!
Jane called me last night saying that she scheduled a meeting for me with the Writer/Director of a Saturday show on a Shanghai TV channel. I'm gonna be their guest. The show is about love matching!!! ;p
Finally bought my wallet on Sunday. So all my RMB got a home now instead of living in an envelope. :)

Now at a Internet coffee shop called "Sparkice iCafe" around Huai Hai Lu Zhong Lu with Jane... again... for business purpose.

I met Jenny. She's not as gorgeous as I expect. Of course, I expected "too much". She's pretty anyway. I learned how to say "You're pretty!", "You're very pretty!", "I like you!", and "I love you!", and "I really like you!" in Shanghaiese. We both agreed that we seemed to know each other for a very long time. We seems to be very comfortable together.

Got calls from Ms Gao. She said the girl tonight was unable to make it to the date but she asked me to go to her office anyway to let her examine me first! lol
I called Jenny, the one who supposed to be gorgeous, and set up our date sooner. The date is now at 7:00pm.
ERic, Good Luck!

I got calls from Miss Jiang (Mr. Chai's gf; Mr. Chai is Wong's friend) asking me to call Ms Gao. Ms Gao is Miss Jiang's friend who runs a company that get single people connected to the opposite sex... I don't know what it should be called in English... So Ms Gao arranged a date tonight for me. The girl is 170cm tall. I got another date at night around 8:30pm with another girl known from friend365.net who claimed she had done modeling for 2 years. She better be gorgeous cuz' I'm starting to expect "too much" from her appearance!!!

I felt like I've put myself in Carol's shoes... the act of dumping... (laughing sadly...)

I was in deep shit for the last 2 days. Seriously ill. Big time fever. Jane came the day before yesterday. I kindly asked her to leave... She said she could understand that I don't have feeling for her. But she kept acting like we're something more than just friend... gosh... I couldn't stand that... The more she tried to be kind to me the more she irritated me. I escorted her back home after quite a few rounds of yelling to her. She was frustrated. She called me up yesterday again. I hanged up. ;p
Fuck... I'm like ...

Now listening ATB - 9PM (Till I Come).

Just came back from McDonald. Had a lot of food: ice-cream, fish burger, coke, fries, apple pie. :)

The first thing I see on my desk is a courier pack from Jane. She's sending me a pack of aweto capsules, and a pack of Cefalexin capsules. Well, I think these are some medicine (Carol might know what they are...) for me. Damn, I told her I was a bit sick last night on the phone. Damn.
You know what the feeling's like??
"Thank you. But please don't treat me so nice."
God damn it!
Jane noticed that I didn't have feeling for her. She was very disappointed. I really don't want to hurt her. What should I do. Well, shall I do it the "Carol Way" or "Sis Li Way"?

Sis Li Way: referred to my cousin who treated every follower with extreme repect. In fact, she rejects men with a formal hand written letter. She made perfectly clear message about the "NO!".
Carol Way: referred to Carol of course... Carol is like... "Let the feeling drive everything and there is no promise, no rejection, only FEEL... Can you feel? Can you feel I'm rejecting or accepting you???"

The first time in my life I think I'm going to make a formal rejection to a girl. :(

Sorry Jane, I'm not for you....
Sorry Jane, I don't love you and never will.
Sorry Jane, go away. We might be friends only, but nothing more...

What shall I say. Please advice. Gosh!

Just got calling message from Jane asking me to call her if I have time. Got call from Miss Lee as well. Got call from Linda again. I said I was busy. Shall I reject them? Just got call from Ms Ng asking me if I like Miss Lee... I said it was ok... She asked me if I still want my paper ads to be published. I said of course!!! I'm not giving up yet. I'm still hanging on the "searching" mode.

I heard Carol went to Mexico the other day from Gilbert, the guy who introduced Carol to me the first place.
Carol just icq me. Maybe she's just back from the trip. The icq message went as follows:

Carol 8/14/00 1:47 PM are u there?
ERic 8/14/00 1:47 PM nice to hear from you
Carol 8/14/00 1:48 PM how r u?
ERic 8/14/00 1:48 PM at www.ericarol.com

This is the end of the conversation just a while ago. Hope you're reading it now, Carol. I'm feeling kinda excited to letting you know the existence of this website this way. :)

Now listening the mp3 version of Paul Oakenfold - Home @ Space, Ibiza. Simply irresistible sound.

On Sunday, Jane called me for Karaoke, lunch and for dinner. I went. She liked me. She had feeling for me. Gosh... am I becoming so popular these days?? Ah! No No ar!!! Help me ar!!!
Afterall, I loved Carol still. Shit... what am I talking about. I'm such a piece of scum!!! Forget her ERic!!! You're not gonna get her back, she's not for you man!!!
It seems to me that I'd pursue girls who have boyfriends and ignore the passion of single woman?!?!?! Have I been fucked in the brain?? Carol ar!!! What are you doing at this very moment?? I miss you much!
Went to the shlove.com's office to meet the first girl recommended by Ms Ng. Miss Lee started her career at an early age because of her family needed her to support. She got herself into university all on her own. She's making a lot of money now in Shanghai even judged by Hong Kong's standard! How am I gonna deal with this her?? haha. I like her self-confidence though! She's a very cheerful woman, too!

Had lunch with Ping and her family on Sat. In fact, I had some feeling for her. Afterall, she's an attractive girl!
She's now working in an ISP. She's not exactly happy with her man now as I sensed. I didn't want to make the conversation that morning too emotional, so we didn't talk too much about her love life. I kinda avoided that topic.
Went to Miss Liu and John's home to have dinner afterward. Wong and Miss Chu were there too. Miss Liu cooked. She's such a passionate woman that everything she's talking about carried enormous among of energy! In contrast, John is a quite person. Wong once told me that John was quite serious about this relationship. Had great fun dining with them. Food was just delicious.
Went to Shanghai's famous disco "Real Love" after the dinner. When I was dancing, the second time in my life on the dance floor... Wooo... I was picked up by a girl. I danced with her for a bit. Miss Liu and her friend came to join me on the dance floor. The girl was expelled from our dancing circle after a few minutes. Miss Liu asked me if the girl was my friend, I said to her, "No, and Yes". Too noisy on the dance floor so I didn't want to explain it. Anyhow, she noticed and she understood. lol
The night was a great night for me in Shanghai.

Yo Yo. Hi Hi. Finished the meeting with JTU. Well done I thought. More dialogue is needed. Met Jane for lunch. She's nice. Just doesn't feel right. I like talking to her though but never be able to make it to the point where I can love her. Dated Ping the other day. She promised to go out with me on Sat or Sun. I bought 2 train tickets to SuZhou just in case she's willing to go with me to a farther place to play.

Got reply from shlove.com. Ms Ng at shlove.com recommended a pretty girl for me to meet. I'm going to meet her on Sunday 7:30pm.
Victor from KL met Big Mic and Nelson. Got some memorandum done. Great! Our product will get promoted in Malaysia!

I miss you mom... Gordon, I'm sorry I haven't been a good brother. Feel like crying now... bitter feeling in my heart now.

Got an appointment for tomorrow morning with a professor in Shanghai Jiao Tong University.

Went to shlove.com paid for my membership. The lady, Ms Ng, there told me that I should bring her a photo of mine. It'll help me get more response since I'm good-looking. Ha Ha!!! Right! Maybe that's one of the problem as well. The feeling of being called "good-looking", of course, felt great; but on the other hand, I always feel that something is missing when people gave me this compliment. Well... never mind... compliment is a compliment. You got to appreciate it!
Right? Right.
I can still remember Carol told me that I'm not good-looking and I looked kinda weird. I got feelings, too. Maybe I'm just a normal man, but I certainly don't want to look weird. She got me there. I was fucking crazy to love this woman who had appreciate my "weirdness" rather than my other goodness.
We were young. We knew nothing about caring about other's feeling.
Ha... back to what we talked...right... shlove.com...
Ms Ng recommended me a girl whom she thought nice and good-looking. She's trying to set me up with her on a date. Hope to hear from Ms Ng soon. I'm quite desperate. I don't know why but I'm desperate to meet a girl I can fall in love with. I'm so-called in a "searching" or "browsing" mode. I always believe that I'd find someone who can fit me again just like Carol fitting me in the old days.
I went to dine with Wong, Miss Chu (his gf also my employee), Wong's friend (forgot his name.. damn!), and his funny gf Liu... haha... I can always remember girl's name even this is the first time I met her. Wooo... I am crazy about woman!!! Yeah!!!
I took a taxi back home. On my way home I thought about if I'm going to have another relationship again, I'm going to be normal again. Normal means not being so desperate and thirsty about women. I'll leave my "browsing" mode... hopefully soon. The funny thing is that at that very moment, I was thinking able Ping.
Oh... Ping...my first friend, and best friend in Shanghai. Are you happy with your man now??? Will you be the one whom I am searching for???

Just add a new banner on top with me sleeping when riding the Airport Express. It's taken by Lawrence after whole night of raving at the Sasha Asia Tour.

Just found out the problem with the registration page where a single quote cannot be put in. Great! At least we found out what the problem is. The launch day of our product is getting closer and closer. Ohm... longing for that day for so long. Wishing that I'd meet someone great at shlove.com tonight. Going to dine with Wong and his gf, Ms Chu tonight. Seems very productive today... is it really?? Ha Ha...

Fung told me, "don't think, just feeeeeeeel...". Carol didn't like argument or extensive reasoning, too. I wish I've realized this methodology of working out things sooner...

Just went lunch with Yang. He's making around $3000 RMB a month. I wanna save him some money by asking him to take me to some cheap place to eat. This is not the first time I eat cheap so I'm fine with it - $7.8 for noodle and a glass of coke! It tasted nice! However, he asked me if I'm used to it after the meal while we're walking back to our office. I was a bit surprised he asked me this. Well... I hope he can somehow learn to drop this "class thing" or else he'll never make it to the top. Besides, I'm not the kind of a person who looked down on thing just because it's not expensive enough to show off my spending power!

There is some problem with the code Wai left us. The code contains an image which will affect the layout of some design. We're working on fixing this problem. We need extra computers in Shanghai. We also need faster connection. The damn phone line connection is too darn slow and fucking unstable. Really want to get rid of it and get an ISDN or some faster connection here. Asked Ms Chu to shop for a better connection. Why didn't we buy a computer sooner?? Gosh...

Now it's really EARLY in the morning now. I should have slept by now. Met Linda yesterday night. She's cute. Had dinner with her. She's not for me. She lacks the self-confidence I'm looking for in a girl. Shall I give her another chance to proof?
Met Michelle after the dinner with Linda. Had a drink with her near her home. She looks a lot like a old buddy of mine who went to TKPC together. I told her that. Hope I didn't really hurt her feeling by telling her she looked like an old MALE friend of mine. I like her... as a friend only. Really. She's smart, smart, and ... smart. With Fudan University's degree, she's entering the E&Y as a CPA. Good luck! Michelle!!! Shit, I lost her contact number...
I'm feeling kind of lonely again now. Had no intention to call up anyone. I got no friend. I am afraid to get involved into anything except my business. I'm afraid I'm going to lose my battle again. I'm not sure if I'd be able to handle failure again. I should have learned to fail gracefully by now, shouldn't I? Or did I really learned? Oh... fuck... :p
I'm going to go to shlove.com to register as a official member today...

Had a pretty HEATED conversation about the approach we should take to fight for the next round financing and ...

Ho Ho Ho. Stress out ar!
All work but no play make Jack a dull boy!
All work but no play make Jack a dull boy!
All work but no play make Jack a dull boy!

Lunched with Wong and his gf. He seems thinner than the last time I seen him. Thinking about Linda now. Don't know how she's doing right now. Had a great conversation with her yesterday night for over an hour. I begin to realize that maybe I can accommodate just any girl, Fit into their conversation, get into the mood of what they are talking about. Maybe it's just what they are trying to do as well. The pictures I was sending around gain much popularity. Thanks to Lawrence. He helped me make the first "ERic & the Beach" looked just great. He taught me a lot of Photoshop technique as well. Thanks to Fung as well!!! He taught me quite a number of neat tricks, too!

Don't know what Tony's doing right now in Vancouver. Maybe he's having a good time with Vicky now. I envy him sometimes being able to spend time in Vancouver!!! ;) Well, he's missing the fun being in Asia... well... never mind... not important. I hate getting into the mood of thinking about just anything related to Vancouver, cuz' it will lead me to think about Carol. Are u reading this Carol??? well... I still think about you... damn....

Finally, I arrive Shanghai. Just got my computer's dial-up connection up and running. Talked to Linda on the phone yesterday night. Gonna meet her the first time tonight. I met her on shlove.com. She seemed quite. But anyway, it all depends. Spent 35 mins in the Taxi trying to get back to office this morning with a lot of traffic.

I think I'm going to invite Carol to say a few words here later on. Well, Carol, my former girlfriend, first one I ever seriously loved and even thought about marrying to, broke up with me around the end of 1999. This domain name ericarol.com is something I've wanted to registered and published for a long time. A friend of mine, ukjoe, gave me the idea of using Blogger to finally make this site come true. Thanks!!!

Just finish editing some of the layout. Tired... sleepy... leaving for Shanghai tomorrow. Haven't packed yet, damn....

Hello everyone!! This is the first time I'm using this Blog thing. Still editing the template. Hope you'd like it.