When someone treats you well, you really don't want to let them down. I really want to appreciate the kind of love and relationship I have now. The kind of life I've been searching for is right now right in front of my eyes. I'm satisfied. Called carol this morning. I was always happy to hear her voice. Among the many closed female friends I had and still in touch, carol might be one of the very few that I always feel comfortable to talk to without worrying too much. I was walking back to my office while talking to her on the phone. It was raining. I was eating. The 375ml Lemon Tea, the bag of chips, the 7-11 umbrella, my Nokia 8210 and my Banana Republic bag burdened me big time. Plus, I was walking the 35º+ slope downhill! Too hard to have a normal friendly chat. I was concern about carol's health though. I briefly asked her about her recent health status. I've specifically had an verbal MOU with her that I should not disclose her health status to others. Don't know if this is still valid.
carol: beautiful girl like you should be healthy inside out!
Had calls with #3. She's leaving my company for school. Hope everything works out for her. Seriously, I've gradually lost my passion to marry her. Marriage = Passion. Why get married? No point unless you're under some kind of parental stress or you want to have children. Why get married unless you're truly personated about a person? I proposed to carol. I've proposed to #3.
I've told carol that my proposal for her was going to last forever. So it's up to her to choose.
#3... I've told her that I've lost my passion to marry her. I still love her. Getting to love her more day after day. However, I really don't think that marriage is a good idea for men in general. I want to marry once only. I want a stable and long lasting relationship. The kind of relationship with carol was good. Just that I was too INTO her. I lost the control of my life. I lost control of myself. I lost my sense of being. She was that powerful?! :p
I don't think I'd ever enjoy the kind of feeling again. Right. It's just that it's a kind of First Love feeling! Not that I don't know how to love, it's just that I'd never want to have that kind of love relationship. I was childish when I was with carol. I was a beginner for god sake. I didn't knew too much about people in general, not to mention girls! That might also be the reason why I got close to carol in the first place. She put off her guard in front of me. She felt safe with me when we were together years ago.
Getting drowsy... see ya...