It is lame to comment as such that [carol] is still well alive in my mind. What is the use? Am I just eager to please myself that I am a good lover that I could love so long that even after some years have past that I am still having that feeling for someone? Thinking of this makes me worry about if I was being boastful of myself. The very thought of carol is a distant past. The happy memory lingers. The sentiment caused by arguments and the sometimes intolerance of each other’s characters still contribute to my refraining from the notion of reconciliation. I consider this is good. Not necessarily a good way of dealing with my past, but as least this thought of mind does the job of holding me back from having any action towards pursuing carol. She is not suitable for me.