I've been looking for evidence that I was mature enough to have a girlfriend. I found none. I've been looking for evidence that I am ready to get married. I found none. I've been looking for evidence that I have really forgotten carol. I found none.
Although this is all what I would have expected, I hope I were better than that.

[Thou] mightest overcome when thou art judged. (Romans 3:4 KJV)
SL's birthday has just past. I failed her. I failed her expectation. She failed her own expectation that not to have failed. Special day of the year is something that is hard to deal with. Truly I am not a normal person. If I have been normal, I am normal. If only I have been normal. SL and I went shopping for the oven requested by Mimi and Brian for their wedding. We then had the dinner. It was not a pleasant dinner. How could it be pleasant if SL's crying. She was crying... sign... how come my girlfriends always have to cry. The more I love them the more they cry. The more they cry the more uneasy feeling I have. Nothing I can really do about changing the fact that I am a complete asshole. That's basically it. If I would have been a nicer guy then I wouldn't have to deal with the crying issue. I simply cannot stand a woman crying in front of me. It seems to me that I am so weak a man that I cannot even make a simple... well.. complicated.. whatever woman happy. They just have to cry... they always do. So sad... crying is so sad. Why cry when millions of children are starving to death... why cry when we are enjoying the nice air-conditioning shielding from the cold weather outside... why cry... especially on the day that you, yourselves, want to be happy... but it seems so hard... just so hard to make youselves happy on the very day that you are supposed to be happy... sign...