EMAIL JOKES:
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BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
GIRL : Why not ??
BOY : I'm broke.
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BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
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GIRL : Did you miss me while I was away??
BOY : Were you away??
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GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
BOY : What time was it??
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GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
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GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
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GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest..
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple..
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CAROL : Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't speak for an hour..
PETER : Yes darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...
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1st MAN : I'm worried about my daughter. She keeps being chased by the doctor.
2nd MAN : Has she tried an apple??
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GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
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BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
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BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
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SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
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Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO, because you make me sick.
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Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
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Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
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Peter : Mom, does God use our bathroom?
Mom : What make you say that, Peter?
Peter : Because Daddy bangs on the door every morning and yells, "Oh god, are you still there?"
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Customer : How much is that tie?
Salesman : Forty dollars.
Customer : Why, I can buy a pair of shoes with that much money.
Salesman : But how would a pair of shoes look around your neck.
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Jimmy : Mom, can I have two pieces of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.
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Woman : How can I ever repay you for your kindness and consideration to me?
Man : By cheque, money order or cash.
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Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I'm comfortably seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes.
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Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week.
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Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?
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Man : I'm new around here. Will you please direct me to the bank?
Little boy : I will, but only if you pay me ten dollars.
Man : Why should I pay you so much?
Little boy : Because bank directors are always highly paid.
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It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.
"What are you charged with?" he asked.
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge.
"How early were you doing this shopping?"
Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.